The Leadership Genius of Lincoln: Relational Intelligence in Action 

Abraham Lincoln was a master of leadership, not just because he won a war and kept a splitting nation together, but because he understood people—really understood them. His ability to bring together strong-willed, often stubborn rivals and turn them into a high-functioning team was nothing short of genius. It’s the kind of leadership that today’s executives, managers, and even parents could learn from.

Doris Kearns Goodwin’s Team of Rivals gives us a front-row seat to how Lincoln worked his magic. He didn’t just tolerate opposing viewpoints; he actively sought them out. He didn’t just manage egos; he leveraged them. He didn’t just build a team; he built a culture.

When Lincoln took office in 1861, he could have surrounded himself with loyal supporters. Instead, he did something remarkable—he filled his cabinet with his political rivals, including William Seward, Salmon Chase, and Edward Bates. These men had openly opposed him, ridiculed him, and even thought they should have been president instead. Yet, Lincoln saw something different: a group of highly intelligent, capable leaders who, despite their egos and ambitions, could help steer the country through its darkest hour.

His Team of Rivals was not just a collection of strong personalities—it was a deliberate strategy rooted in the belief that diversity of thought leads to better decisions. And what made all of this work? Relational Intelligence—the ability to read, connect with, and navigate human dynamics in a way that brings out the best in people.

Why Most Leaders Avoid Conflict—and Why Lincoln Embraced It

Let’s be honest—most people, including leaders hate conflict. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and time-consuming. So, they either avoid it or bulldoze over it. Lincoln did neither. Instead, he used it as a tool. When he assembled his cabinet, he didn’t pick a room full of yes-men. He chose men who had openly opposed him, men who had wanted his job, men who thought they were smarter than him. And he did it intentionally.

Why? Because he knew that intellectual diversity, when handled well, leads to better decisions. That’s high-level Relational Intelligence. Instead of being threatened by differing opinions, he leaned into them. Instead of dismissing criticism, he listened. Instead of making every decision alone, he built a system where the best ideas won—even if they weren’t his own.

Humility: Lincoln’s Leadership Superpower

One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is thinking they need to have all the answers. Lincoln knew better. He understood that leadership isn’t about being the smartest person in the room; it’s about using the smartest people in the room. He had the humility to admit when others had better ideas. He valued others. He gave credit freely, even to those who once ridiculed him.

Most leaders struggle with this because their ego gets in the way. They feel like admitting they don’t know something makes them look weak. Lincoln had no such insecurity. He was confident enough to be humble—a rare but powerful combination. That’s a core part of Relational Intelligence and a key pillar of my HERO Skills framework.

Empathy: The Glue That Held His Team Together

Lincoln’s ability to connect with people on a human level is legendary. He wasn’t just managing a war; he was leading a nation in crisis. People weren’t just looking for policies; they were looking for hope. And Lincoln knew that leadership isn’t just about strategy—it’s about navigating emotion and emotional brains.

He took the time to understand his rivals, their ambitions, their fears, and their motivations. He didn’t just listen to their words; he listened between the words. That’s why his opponents—many of whom had once mocked him—eventually respected him, some becoming great friends. They didn’t just follow Lincoln because he was president; they followed him because he understood them. That’s empathy in action.

Reflection: Learning, Adapting, and Evolving

Lincoln didn’t just react to problems; he reflected on them. He took time to step back, analyze situations, and consider different courses of action. He was known to write letters he never sent, using them as a way to process his emotions and think critically before making important decisions. This ability to pause and reflect rather than react impulsively gave him a strategic advantage, allowing him to make more thoughtful and measured choices.

His reflections weren’t just about making decisions in the moment; they were about continuous learning. Lincoln studied history, read voraciously, and sought wisdom from those around him. He wasn’t just thinking about how to win the war—he was thinking about how to heal a nation. His ability to reflect on both immediate problems and long-term consequences made him not only a great wartime leader but also a visionary for the country’s future. That’s the power of reflection.

Open-Mindedness: Creating a Culture of Constructive Conflict

Lincoln’s cabinet was a battlefield of ideas. And he thrived in it. He welcomed disagreement because he knew that friction produces heat, and heat produces light.

Most leaders today say they want diverse perspectives, but when challenged, they get defensive. Lincoln? He invited dissent. He understood that a team of clones is a team of weaknesses. A high-performing team needs debate, challenge, and pushback. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s necessary.

This is where a lot of leaders fail. They want agreement more than they want insight. They want obedience more than they want excellence. But Lincoln was playing the long game. He knew that if he encouraged open, honest discussion, his team would make better decisions—and they did. Without open-mindedness, the value and strength of myriad perspectives is wasted.

What Today’s Leaders Can Learn from Lincoln

Lincoln’s leadership offers a roadmap for anyone who wants to lead with Relational Intelligence:

• Surround yourself with strong, independent thinkers. Don’t be afraid to surround yourself with people who challenge you.

• Listen more than you talk. Leadership isn’t about proving your intelligence—it’s about leveraging the intelligence around you.

• Check your ego at the door. If your goal is to be ‘right,’ you’ll limit your growth. If your goal is to learn, you’ll keep improving.

• Create a culture where disagreement is valued. The best leaders don’t suppress conflict; they manage it constructively.

• Never stop reflecting. Make time to analyze your decisions, learn from mistakes, and adjust accordingly.

The Enduring Power of Relational Intelligence

Lincoln’s leadership wasn’t about control—it was about connection. He built bridges instead of walls. He valued relationships over rigid systems. And he understood that great leadership isn’t about standing above people; it’s about standing with them.

That’s the kind of leadership we need today. Whether you’re leading a company, a team, a family, or just trying to be a better human, the lesson is clear: relationships matter. The best leaders aren’t just strategic thinkers; they’re masterful connectors. And in a world that often prioritizes systems over people, Lincoln’s example reminds us that the greatest strength a leader can have is the ability to bring people together—even, and especially, those who disagree.

If you want to dive deeper into Lincoln’s leadership style and the incredible story of how he built his Team of Rivals, I highly recommend reading Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book. It’s a fascinating, insightful look at one of the greatest leaders in history and a masterclass in what true Relational Intelligence looks like in action.